The Dark Knight Rises


It’s been three months since The Dark Knight Rises was unleashed upon the masses. It was also at that time that I abandoned this blog and the rest of society to live in my underground bomb shelter. Being the greatest culmination of human achievement that it was, I was sure the world was about to end on this high note. This is what the mayans were talking about! After all, what was there left to live for? Apparently I was wrong in some ways, and have crawled back to life, trying to put the pieces of my shattered world back together. So let’s talk about The Dark Knight Rises.

The swan song of Team Nolan’s Bat trilogy has a lot going on in it. After Bane’s plane heist intro, we are introduced to a dizzying amount of  new characters in the span of  about five minutes. There’s douchebag congressman Gilly and deputy Commissioner  Foley discussing how Gordon is on his way out, then Miranda Tate and douchebag Daggett discussing whether or not Bruce Wayne will invest in Miranda’s energy saving plan thing, and Selina Kyle stealing Bruces’ mothers’ douchebag  pearls(but she wasn’t just stealing the pearls). And right after all that we meet a random police officer named Blake who really misses Batman, and Gordons like, ” I don’t know what to tell ya, son.”

So it’s been eight years since the Joker incident and Harvey dying. Bruce has a limp, and apparently retired since he stopped all the organized crime. He’s still really bummed that Maggie Gyllenhaal died. It disturbed me to think that Bruce quit. Was he going after just the mafia groups from the beginning? It wasn’t organized crime that killed his parents, it was random street crimes. Those don’t go away.  Obviously Bruce is feeling really down, thinking he’s not needed anymore.

Welp,  there’s this Bane guy who has an underground army and is wanting to bring total upheaval to Gotham City, very similarly to Ras Al Guls plans in the first film. Bruce decides to be Batman again, but things get about as bad as they can get.  Alfred leaves him after an extremely emotional confrontation, he loses all his money, and confronts Bane with disastrous results. And after that, Gotham really goes to hell.

The movie runs at 165 minutes, but moves at break-neck speed with brutally fast editing and hardly a moment to catch your breath. My only real problem with The Dark Knight Rises is that even with the movies already long length, it feels crammed in with too much story. The romance between Miranda and Bruce is barely believably because they have only two brief scenes together before there banging it. The first time they meet they seem to barely like each other, and the next time is strictly business talk. When exactly did they fall in love? There is quite a bit of time passing in the movie, such as the whole revolution part and Bruce healing in the prison. It would have been a lot more believable if they could have made the film longer. Then you would truly feel the impact when the Dark Knight finally does rise. If only Nolan would give us an extended edition. Who wouldn’t want to spend another 45 minutes watching Batman? (I’ll tell ya who, those biased Marvel  fans bitching about Avengers being better. But that’s a different topic.)

Bane is awesome. He is creepy and intimidating, just like the Joker was, only in completely different ways. He is devoted to an ideal, willing to sacrifice everything for what he believes in. Something Batman used to be, but lost along the way. Tom Hardy creates a truly unique and memorable movie villain here. Better than the Joker? Well of course not. There is no greater villain than the clown prince of crime. He’s an undisputed favorite and deserves it. But that doesn’t mean he should be the only rogue they ever use in film.

I wasn’t sure how the filmakers were going to fit Catwoman into this realistic-ish universe. And while it did stretch the line of believability, Anne Hathaway brought forth a solid version of the feline fatale. Thankfully she wasn’t oversexualized like she was in the Arkham City video game or the current comic book.

As the movie progresses, I found myself completely rooting for Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character  officer Blake. He nearly steals the show, which, as the Joker would say, “..was all part of the plan.”

And for the first time in a Batman movie, I was nearly shaken to tears thanks to a scene with Alfred near the end of the film.

The final installment to any great trilogy is a bittersweet appointment. I’m sad that it’s over, but thankful that it ended on such a high note instead of a flop that I would have to pretend doesn’t exist.

What’s that you say? Shia LeBeuf  was in an Indiana Jones movie?

I  no not what you speak of.

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